You're the One Who Wants to be Cute

Final Fantasy VII Playthrough
Playtime: 01:46-02:50

Well, if nobody else, apparently my friend in L.A. and proprietor of Don't Cross the Streams is reading this. So that's cool.

For whatever reason, FF games always have at least one or two completely random, bizarre enemies. This section of FF7 has one of them, the "Hell House", literally a big house that inexplicably shoots rockets at you and occasionally sprouts arms and legs. As to how or why these are roaming around the streets of Midgar--apparently in big packs because I fought three in a row--I'm not sure. I ran into another one in the train graveyard a bit later on--Elegor, some sort of demon thing riding on what I think is supposed to be a chariot, but looks more like a wheelchair with a horse head sticking out of it. He shoots lasers at you. There's a couple of other bizarre ones later on, like the guy who swings from an axe and every once in a while falls off of it. Sometimes JRPGs are just odd beyond explanation.

I played through the whole Wall Market cross-dressing sequence. Sadly, Don Corino did not choose me. I don't remember at all the combination of stuff that you need, and frankly, it wasn't really worth the effort. It takes a solid half hour or so to get through the whole sequence if you do the optional stuff like staying at the inn to get something from the vending machine and venturing into the Honeybee Inn. Once you've done it a couple of times and you know the gag, its a little tedious to go through, although I have to admit that it still has a certain amusing quality to it, namely because of the sheer creepiness of everyone you meet. It's funny to watch the whole situation devolve and get progressively weirder, like when Aeris says you need a wig and so the person at the dress shop tells you to visit the gym because there's other people "like you" there. Then when you get there you're confronted by the very manly men who patronize it ask if you're the one who "wants to be cute," as if you're encroaching on their territory. The whole sequence has to be just about the most bizarre sequence in an FF game. Yes, more bizarre than the leg-sprouting rocket houses.

Up next I have to fight my way up the pillar, then its up the wire and into the Shinra building.